hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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