I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
