So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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