Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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