At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
