goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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