i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...