...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
