I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
