She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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