I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
