hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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