I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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