Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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