did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
