When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
