My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just pee around me
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
