It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
