i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
