the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
