thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
