My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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