I think I am morally bankrupt
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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