I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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