dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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