Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
