shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Houston, we have a blender
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
