i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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