What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
