I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
