Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
