Barsexuality is the new black.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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