Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just gift wrapped bread.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize