I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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