Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
