Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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