I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She bit a glass in half.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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