I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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