I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
