And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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