Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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