She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
