so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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