I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
