Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
