i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
