The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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