Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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