I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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