okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
