how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
