Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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