Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
