11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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