YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
