you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
