Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
