I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
