I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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