her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
