He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
