Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
