I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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