grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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