I wish I could punch you in the face.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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