walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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