He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
