Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
