i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
