Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
