I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
wow bdsm is so cute
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
