the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize