Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
