i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
