Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
