I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
