dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
