I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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