Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
