yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
